I have never had a terrible relationship with my body, in fact for the most part I think I have done okay.

Since my Dad introduced me to weights in my early teens I have almost always trained in the gym, played rugby up until I was 30 and been fit and active.

In fact, it’s a key reason some 18 years later I became a personal trainer.

I like so many others have had my ups and downs with confidence and my body, but the gym always provided me with an outlet to work on myself not just physically but emotionally and mentally.

So why this feeling of underachievement with my body?

I have started to feel a little hypercritical. Maybe I’m being hard on myself. 

I talk about so much about being empowered with our bodies and health but have I ever felt truly empowered with mine?

There is an underlying feeling of underwhelm, could be more and if only’s. 

Did I lack education? Motivation? Commitment?

Maybe I just valued other things more. 

These values certainly changed when I qualified as a personal trainer in 2014.

In fact my life did.

I don’t know whether it was the health and fitness industry, my own insecurities, or just the pressure to look a certain way.   

Every January has been the same story. ‘This year is my year hooorah, I am going to get in the best shape of my life’.

Oh, please Luke give it a rest. 

Never happens. Just a bunch of words. 

In reflection it’s good to be honest and upfront with yourself.

Hold yourself accountable and take more ownership of your decisions and actions.

I’m not sure why it’s so different this time around.

I personally feel like the past 12 months has been big for me.

I have experienced a tremendous amount of growth that is hard to convey in written form.

The main difference I feel is that I I’m doing this for myself.

There is clarity on who it’s for.

Me.

Is that why so many of us struggle? Is that why I have struggled?

My why for this project feels more emotional. I’m behind the steering wheel of this and no one else.

I want to build a body and get in incredible shape, I want to see what it takes, I want to know if it’s worth it.

I have spent more time than I care to remember feeling self-conscious about my body.

I have also spent time thinking, dam I look pretty good right now.

I’m like, yeh I can see my abs in the mirror, that same mirror that always makes me look great regardless of how I feel or look.

But do you want to know when I have felt my best?

When I didn’t give a shit. When I couldn’t care less.

How do I get more of that?

So much noise, so much pressure.

Social media, the health and fitness space I work in.

Years of being surrounded by fitness professionals some in incredible shape, so many not.

Too much time wasted on Instagram.

Instagram is like a haven for anatomy defying abdominals.

The 6 pack is so 2001. It’s all about the 12 pack and a 12 inch gap between your thighs.

Men and women wearing little to nothing doing some ridiculous workout with body-fat levels so low there is no way they’d survive a winter.

What impact is this having on everyone?

I very aware of how I feel but I haven’t always been.

Maybe that’s why it’s different.

The past year has been so crazy, it’s actually ended up being one of my most transformational years.

I have been on a rollercoaster ride of personal development and feel the clearest I have ever felt.

It started with two fingers up to Coronavirus, but now it looks like the best thing to have ever happened to me personally and professionally.

So, I have decided to see if it’s all worth it. 

What do I need to sacrifice? How disciplined do I need to me? What does it take? 

Let’s see if getting ‘cut’ or ‘shredded’ is actually worth it.

What’s the worst that can happen?

 

So, a quick update, after a 6-month mentorship I hired an online coach at the start of the year and now we are really dialling it up for the next 8 weeks with a shoot booked in for early May.

I was probably kicking around 90kg after Christmas and I weighed in at 80.8 this morning.

Stay Strong. Stay Health. Keep Moving.

Luke.